The Power of Willingness: Why Wanting Change Works Better Than Forcing It.

“Want leads to choice, which leads to commitment. Should leads to decision, which leads to sacrifice.”

Discover why lasting change often fails and what truly makes it sustainable. In this episode, we explore the surprising power of willingness over willpower, offering practical language shifts and mindset tools to help you build intrinsic motivation and create meaningful change in your life.

Are the changes you’re trying to make in your life driven by what you want—or by what you think you should want?

Key Takeaway Insights and Tools

• The real difference between 'should' and 'want' when it comes to lasting change
  → Lasting change happens when it’s fueled by internal desire, not obligation. ([00:44 – 01:45])
• Why 'willpower' is overrated—and why 'willingness' matters more
  → Willingness is a quiet, internal force that opens the door to meaningful, sustainable progress. ([01:45 – 02:48])
• The story of Lisa: When overcommitment turns to burnout
  → A powerful narrative that shows how shifting from ‘should’ to ‘want’ transformed one woman’s life. ([02:48 – 05:25])
• The 4-level language ladder to reframe your inner dialogue:
  1. “I should / I have to” = Obligation
  2. “I could” = Possibility
  3. “I want to” = Intention
  4. “I get to” = Gratitude and present-moment empowerment
     ([07:36 – 09:22])

Chapters

• 0:00 The Pitfalls of Constantly Striving for Perfection
• 0:41 Embracing Sufficing: Making Tough Trade-offs for Success
• 1:04 The Importance of Self-Awareness and Self-Compassion for Longevity

Transcript

0:00

Music. Well, welcome to It's an Inside Job Bite Size Fridays, your weekly dose of resilience, optimism, and well-being to get you ready for the weekend. Now, each week, I'll bring you insightful tips and uplifting stories to help you navigate life's challenges and embrace a more positive mindset. And so with that said, let's slip into the stream. Music. Well, welcome back to the show. Today, we're uncovering the real reason lasting change often feels like a struggle and what actually makes it possible. So let me start with a question for you. Have you ever promised yourself things like I should start exercising or I should stop doom scrolling before bed? I mean, honestly, how often do these shoulds actually stick? So today's episode, it's about small but monumental shifts. The difference between should and want. It's about moving from forcing change to choosing it. From feeling sacrifice to embracing commitment. There's a great quote by H. Jackson Brown Jr. He says, life doesn't require that we be the best, only that we try our best. It's a quote that reminds us that life is not about perfection. It's about intention. But even intention isn't enough for sustainable change. And the real secret, it's not just willpower, it's willingness. Now many of us, almost as a default, find ourselves caught in cycles that entrap us. We repeat behaviors even when we know they're not serving us. And the first step, well that's to identify these patterns that keep us stuck. Only then can we truly begin to release these old patterns, break those old habits. This isn't about blaming ourselves, of course not, but about recognizing the patterns and bringing them into conscious awareness. And so that segues us to a critical distinction. The difference between wanting to change and feeling that you should change. This is where true resilience comes from, from the inner drive, not external pressures. Now, if you truly want to change, you will choose to do it. You'll make a commitment to the process. This choice comes from within. Guided by our inner compass, if we can call it that. Willingness is quiet, yes, there's no doubt about it, but it's deeply moving. It doesn't push, it kind of invites us. It's part of you that actually says, you know what. Jason, I'm ready, not because an external voice tells me I have to, but because I generally want to for myself. It's the internal switch that unlocks genuine progress. So let me tell you a story. There's a woman I know. Let's just call her Lisa. Now, Lisa's calendar was packed wall-to-wall with meetings, errands, social events, kids' activities, and an inbox that never seemed to shrink. I think we were all used to that. Now, Lisa was the kind of person who said yes to everything. She prided herself on being dependable, involved, and always busy. She never said no. She always put others in front of her. But behind it all, she was burning out. She was figuratively hitting the wall. She was constantly late, missing important moments, and feeling like she was disappointing everyone, including herself. And so under immense pressure, she made a decision. She said to herself or at least i'm quoting i'm going to fix this i'm going to get organized say no more often take time for myself so she downloaded time management apps bought the planner listened to the podcast and for about a week she kept it up but little by little she slipped back over committing rushing apologizing and why well because deep down lisa didn't want to slow down. She liked the pace. She was addicted to the race. She loved the adrenaline rush she got from running around all the time. She enjoyed feeling needed in many different places at once. Change to her, well, felt like sacrifice. And that's precisely what happens when we operate from the word of should. When change is driven by external pressures or senses of obligation, Well, it lacks the intrinsic fuel to sustain itself. It feels like a sacrifice and our natural inclination is to void sacrifice. And so eventually, the cost caught up to her. One day, she forgot a parent-teacher conference. Her son was upset. She was mortified. And that night, she sat at the kitchen table and said, I can't live like this anymore. And that was the turning point. Not because she should change, but because she wanted to change. She wanted to feel present again. She wanted to stop apologizing and start enjoying her life. And that was the moment of willingness. And here's the truth she discovered and the truth that applies to every one of us. Want leads to choice, which leads to commitment. On the other hand, should leads to decision, which leads to sacrifice. When change comes from a place of want, it lasts. It's embraced. When it comes from should, it often backfires, leading to resentment and a return to old patterns, old behaviors. So here's the question I invite you to ask yourself right now. Where in your life are you acting from should and where are you choosing from want? If a change isn't sticking, maybe the issue isn't your discipline or your lack of willpower. Maybe you're just not willing yet. And that's okay. Of course that's okay. Willingness can't be forced, but it absolutely can be cultivated. So what I encourage you to do is start by listening to your inner voice, that little voice inside of you. Try to parse the signal from the noise and ask, what do I actually want for myself? Not what's expected, not what looks good on paper. What do I truly, deeply want for myself in this situation? Because this is what it truly means to lead life from the inside out. It's not about chasing goals set by others. It's not about chasing goals set by others. It's about choosing the kind of light that aligns with your values, your energy, your vision. And that choice, well, it starts with a willingness to want something different. And then it's to follow through on that desire, not out of pressure, but out of purpose. So as we head into the weekend, I'd like to give you some homework per se. I want you to think of one habit you've been trying to change. Then I want you to ask yourself, do I want to change this? Or do I just think I should? What would change feel like if I actually wanted it? What small step would I be willing to take? Not out of guilt, but out of the care for myself. Write it down. Say it out loud. Sit with it. Let it sort of incubate within you. And what you'll find, that's where sustainable change truly begins. And before we wrap up this episode, I'd like to leave you with a little tool. I want you to think of words as we've talked about like should I must I have to this is based on obligation if we don't follow through then we have a bad conscience and we have guilt if we switch our language just a little bit and take it up a notch and we use the word could I could do this I could do that all of a sudden we slip the bonds of guilt of bad conscience now we're talking about possibilities and opportunities if we kick it up even a level above that, it's one we've already talked about. It's the willingness. When we change our language to, I want to, I would like to, I wish to. Now we're moving from a place of internal or intrinsic motivation. We feel empowered. We feel a sense of movement forward. This is about sustainable change. But there's even one level above that, and that's using the word, I get to, or using the statement, I get to. I get to do this, I get to do that. It's even more powerful, because there you're in the present. You are actually appreciating the possibility of doing something in the here and now. It's a sense of gratitude, and that's a very powerful place to speak from. That's a powerful reframe because all of a sudden we are appreciative we show gratitude to something we can do in the moment i get to spend time with my kids i get to go for a walk in the woods with my dog i get to sit back and relax after a hard day's work i get to spend time with good friends I get to enjoy a brilliant meal with great conversation. Whatever it is for you that floats your boat, think about the power of language and how you can use it to tailor your experience. Language is very powerful. It becomes the key tool for us to find powerful ways to reframe challenging situations or just everyday situations. Well, I hope this episode has been of some use to you, that you find it practical. And if you know someone in your network, friends, family, colleagues, please share with them. It helps me spread the word of this podcast. Just remember, life is about leading from the inside out. So make sure you hit that subscribe button. And I'll be back next week with my long-form conversational episodes on Monday and the latest Bite Sites episode on Friday. and have yourself a relaxing and rejuvenating weekend. Music.